Sacrilégio

Percebi ao conversar com amigos que muitos deles não assistiram, ou viram mais do que um episódio de "The Big Band Theory". Como absolutamente todos os meus amigos são geeks e/ou nerds que se prezam isso constitui, claramente, um sacrilégio. A fim de estimulá-los a assistir a série mais engraçada de todos os tempos sobre toda uma categoria :) Vão alguns quotes da série que eu julgo geniais, por episódio (essa é uma das poucas que eu tb assisto de novo eventualmente):

Episódio Piloto

Penny se apresentando:

Penny: I’m a Sagittarius, which probably tells you way more than you need to know.

Sheldon: Yes, it tells us that you participate in the mass cultural delusion that the sun’s apparent position relative to arbitrarily defined constellations at the time of your birth somehow affects your personality.

Penny: (puzzled) Participate in the what?

Sheldon: Are you still mad about the sperm bank?

Leonard: No!

Sheldon: Do you want to hear an interesting thing about stairs?

Leonard: Not really.

Sheldon: If the height of a single step is off by as little as two millimeters most people will trip.

Leonard: I don't care—two millimeters?! That doesn't seem right.

Sheldon: No, it's true! I did a series of experiments when I was twelve; my father broke his clavicle.

Episódio: The Big Bran Hypothesis

Sheldon: I couldn't sleep knowing that just outside my bedroom is our living room and just outside our living room is that hallway and immediately adjacent to that hallway is [Penny's messed up apartment]!

Leonard: Do you realize if Penny wakes up there's no reasonable explanation to why we are here?

Sheldon: I just gave you a reasonable explanation.

Leonard: No, no. You gave me an explanation. Its reasonableness will be determined by a jury of your peers.

Sheldon: You do understand that our efforts here will in no way increase the odds of you having sexual congress with this woman?

Leonard: Men do things for woman without expecting sex.

Sheldon: Those would be men who just had sex.

Episódio: The Fuzzy Boots Corollary

Sheldon: I have got the Sword of Azeroth!

Leonard: Forget the sword, Sheldon. Help Raj.

Sheldon: There is no more Sheldon. I am the sword master!

Wolowitz: Leonard, look out!

Leonard: Damn it, Sheldon, we're dying here.

Sheldon: Goodbye, peasants.

Leonard: Bastard teleported!

(Raj looks over at Sheldon's computer)

Raj: He's selling the Sword of Azeroth on eBay.

Leonard: You betrayed us for money? Who are you?

Sheldon: I'm a rogue night elf. Don't you people read character descriptions? Wait, wait, wait... somebody just clicked Buy It Now.

Wolowitz: I am the sword master!!

Episódio: The Hamburger Postulate

Sheldon: (At The Cheesecake Factory) Who do I speak to about permanently reserving this table?

Penny: I don't know, a psychiatrist?

Leonard: Penny didn't know that Leslie had already turned me down, then that would unambiguously mean that she (Penny) thought I should ask her (Leslie) out, indicating that she'd (Penny) had no interest in me asking her (Penny) out; but because she did know that I had asked her (Leslie) out, and that she (Leslie) had turned me down, then she (Penny) could be offering me consolation--"that's too bad, you would have made a cute couple"--thinking, "good, Leonard remains available." 

Sheldon: You're a lucky man, Leonard. 

Leonard: How so? 

Sheldon: You're talking to one of the three men in the Western Hemisphere capable of following that train of thought. 

Leonard: Well, what do you think? 

Sheldon: I said I could follow it, that doesn't mean I care.

Episódio: The Middle Earth Paradigm

Penny: Why can't all guys be like you?

Leonard: Because if all guys were like me the human race couldn't survive

Episódio: The Dumpling Paradox

Leonard: Sheldon, think this through, you're going to ask him to choose between sex and Halo.

Sheldon: No, I'm going to ask him to choose between sex and Halo 3. As far as I know, sex has not been upgraded to include high-def graphics and enhanced weapons systems.

Leonard: You're right. All sex has is nudity, orgasms, and human contact.

Sheldon: My point.

Penny: Hey, if you guys need a fourth, I'll play.

Leonard: Great idea!

Sheldon: Uh, no. The wheel was a great idea. Relativity was a great idea. This is a notion, and a rather sucky one at that. 

Penny: Why?!

Sheldon: Why? Oho, Penny, Penny, Penny.

Penny: Oho, what, what, what?

Sheldon: (as Penny picks up the controller) This is a complex battle simulation with a steep learning curve. There are a myriad of weapons, vehicles, and strategies to master, and not to mention an extremely intricate back story. 

Penny: (explosion from the TV) Oh, cool! Whose head did I just blow off?

Sheldon: Mine.

Sheldon: I don't know how, but she is cheating! Nobody can be that attractive and this skilled at a videogame. edit 

Leonard: You know, Penny, we make such a good team, maybe we could enter a couple of Halo tournaments sometime.

Penny: Or we could just have a life.

Penny: (barges into apartment) Hey, guys! My friends and I got tired of dancing so we came over to have sex with you.

(The guys continue playing Halo)

Penny: Told ya.

(Penny and her friends leave)

Sheldon: Why did you hit pause?

Leonard: I thought I heard something. 

Raj: What?

Leonard: No, never mind.

Episódio: The Grasshopper Experiment

Sheldon: I'll have a diet Coke.

Penny: Can you please order a cocktail? I need to practice mixing drinks.

Sheldon: Fine... I'll have a virgin Cuba Libre.

Penny: That's... rum and Coke without the rum.

Sheldon: Yes, and would you make it diet?

Penny: I need some guinea pigs.

Sheldon: Okay, there's a lab animal supply company in Reseda you can try. But if your research is going to have human applications, may I suggest white mice? Their brain chemistry is far closer to ours.

Penny: I swear to God, Sheldon, one day I'm going to get the hang of talking to you.

Leonard: His mom's been saying that for years.

Episódio: The Cooper-Hofstadter Polarization

Leonard: You are not Isaac Newton.

Sheldon: No, no, that's true. Gravity would have been apparent to me without the apple.

Penny: So, you know, isn't there maybe some way you and Sheldon could compromise on this whole presentation thing?

Leonard: No. Scientists do not compromise. Our minds are trained to synthesize facts and come to inarguable conclusions. Not to mention Sheldon is bat-crap crazy

Leonard: Sheldon, we have to do this.

Sheldon: No, we don't. We have to take in nourishment, expel waste, and inhale enough oxygen to keep our cells from dying. Everything else is optional.

Episódio: The Loobenfeld Decay

Sheldon: I'm uncomfortable having been included in your lie to Penny.

Leonard: What was I supposed to say?

Sheldon: You could have told her the truth.

Leonard: That would have hurt her feelings.

Sheldon: Is that a relevant factor?

Leonard: Yes.

Sheldon: Then I suppose you could have agreed to go.

Leonard: And what would I have said afterwards?

Sheldon: I would suggest something to the effect of, 'singing is neither an appropriate vocation nor avocation for you, and if you disagree I'd recommend you have a CAT scan to look for a tumor pressing on the cognitive processing centers of your brain'.

Sheldon: (Referencing Leonard's lie to Penny) Yes, well he lied.

Penny: Wait, what?

Sheldon: He lied, and I'm feeling very uncomfortable about it.

Penny: Well, imagine how I'm feeling.

Sheldon: Hungry? Tired? I'm sorry, this isn't really my strong suit

Episódio: The Pancake Batter Anomaly

Sheldon: If influenza was only contagious after symptoms appear, it would have died out thousands of years ago. Somewhere between tool using and cave painting, Homo habilis would have figured out to kill the guy with the runny nose.

Sheldon: Checkmate.

Leonard: Argh, again?

Sheldon: Obviously you're not well-suited for three-dimensional chess. Perhaps three-dimensional Candyland would be your speed. edit 

Sheldon: (to Leonard on 3D chess) It must be humbling to suck on so many levels.

Episódio: The Jerusalem Duality

Sheldon: 15 years old—Dennis Kim is 15 years old, and he's already correcting my work. Today I went from being Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart to—you know—that other guy.

Howard: Antonio Salieri.

Sheldon: Oh, God, now even you're smarter than me.

Koothrappali: Do you know what he did? He watched me work for ten minutes and then started to design a simple piece of software that could replace me.

Leonard: Is that even possible?

Koothrappali: As it turns out, yes.

Episódio: The Nerdvana Annihilation

Koothrappali: Too bad, I called dibs.

Wolowitz: You can't just call dibs.

Koothrappali: I can, and I did. Look up 'dibs' in Wikipedia.

Sheldon: Dibs does not apply in a bidding war.

Sheldon: Why'd you set it for the day before yesterday?

Leonard: Because I want to go back and keep myself from getting a time machine.

Sheldon: You can't. If you were to prevent yourself from buying it in the past, you would not have it available in the present – travel back and stop yourself from buying it, ergo you would still have it. This is a classic rookie time travel mistake.

Leonard: Can I go back and prevent you from explaining that to me?

Sheldon: Same paradox—if you were to travel back in time and, say, knock me unconscious, you would not then have the conversation that irritated you, motivating you to go back and knock me unconscious. 

Leonard: What if I knocked you unconscious right now?

Leonard: Girls like Penny never end up with guys who own time machines.

Sheldon: I disagree. Your inability to successfully woo Penny long predates your acquisition of the time machine. That failure clearly stands on its own.

Leonard: Thanks for pointing it out.

Sheldon: In addition, your premise is flawed. In the original film, Rod Taylor got Yvette Mimieux with that very time machine. In Back to the Future, Marty McFly got the opportunity to hook up with his extremely attractive young mother.

Leonard: Those are movies.

Sheldon: Of course they're movies. Were you expecting me to come up with an example involving a real-life time machine? That's absurd.

Sheldon: Are you upset about something?

Leonard: What was your first clue?

Sheldon: Well, it was a number of things: first, the late hour; then your demeanor seems very low energy; plus your irritability...

Leonard: Yes, I'm upset!

Sheldon: Huh, I don't usually pick up on those things. Good for me.

Leonard: Yeah, good for you.

Sheldon: Oh, wait, did you want to talk about it?

Leonard: I don't know, maybe.

Sheldon: Wow, I'm on fire tonight.

Episódio: The Pork Chop Indeterminacy

Sheldon: You see, I'm a superior genetic mutation, an improvement on the existing mediocre stock.

Missy: And what do you mean, "mediocre stock"?

Sheldon: That would be you. (talking about his twin sister Missy)

Howard: Okay, you two have to back off.

Raj: Why should I back off? You back off, dude.

Leonard: Excuse me, this is my apartment, and she's my roommate's sister.

Howard: So what? You've already got Penny.

Leonard: How do I have Penny? In what universe do I have Penny?

Howard: So, I can have Penny?

Leonard: Hell, no!

Episódio: The Peanut Reaction

Penny: Well, Sheldon you are his friend. Friends give each other presents.

Sheldon: I accept your premise; I reject your conclusion.

Wolowitz: (quietly to Penny) Try telling him it's a non-optional social convention.

Penny: What?

Wolowitz: Just do it.

Penny: It's a non-optional social convention.

Sheldon: Ahh, fair enough.

Wolowitz: He came with a manual. 

Leonard: I don't celebrate my birthday.

Penny: Shut up. Yeah, you do.

Leonard: It's no big deal. It's just the way I was raised. My parents focused on celebrating achievements and being expelled from a birth canal was not considered one of them.

Penny: (on Leonard's parents not considering his birthday as an "achievement" to be celebrated) That's so silly. 

Sheldon: It's actually based on very sound theories; his mother published a paper on it. 

Penny: What was it called, "I Hate My Son and That's Why He Can't Have Cake"?

Sheldon: It was obviously very effective. Leonard grew up to become an experimental physicist. Perhaps if she also denied him Christmas, he'd be a little better at it.

Episódio: The Peanut Reaction

Leonard: I'm her friend, I'm not going to take advantage of her vulnerability.

Wolowitz: Wait, so you're saying that if in the depths of despair she throws herself at you and demands you take her right there, right now, you'll just walk away?

Leonard: I said I'm her friend, not her gay friend.

Wolowitz: You know, I'm really glad you decided to learn Mandarin. 

Sheldon: Why?

Wolowitz: Once you're fluent, you'll have a billion more people to annoy instead of me.

Leonard: Why are you learning Chinese?

Sheldon: I believe the Szechuan Palace has been passing off orange chicken as tangerine chicken, and I intend to confront them.

Leonard: If I were you, I'd be more concerned with what they're passing off as chicken.

Faltaram uns dois episódios (um deles muito bom, mas com quotes que só eram engraçadas pra quem tinha visto), tem muita coisa aí, não tem tudo, tem tudo que eu encontrei que eu achei que poderia convencer mais pessoas a assistir pq a série merece :) Espero que tenham dado risada.